It’s hard to believe it has been 45 years since the day I found out Larry’s plane had gone down in Vietnam. By that time in my stay at the Menninger Clinic, the hospital had become like a home away from home for me. Hope had begun to overtake despair as I worked toward what I saw as a chance for a fresh start. My work there was so motivated by Larry’s encouragement to do what the doctors advised and get well. Even though he was halfway around the world, he was still a part of my daily life.
I still remember the words on a cassette tape from Larry. I listened to it that day to steady myself. “We can do anything we set our minds to,” he said. His words were an inspiration to me. Those tapes were a lifeline between the two of us, severed in an instant when he died.
Thirty-five years later, I got a call telling me Larry’s remains had been recovered near the site of his crash in Laos and they would be sent back to America. I wrote this poem that night. It was an intense emotional moment for me, as I’d just learned that the man I loved was finally coming home. I think it captures the strange sense of closure I felt at knowing I’d have him all in one place again.
In a Box
Larry, they called,
Said you were coming home in a box,
Six months to a year from now,
Whatever’s left,
Last night,
I slept better than all of the nights over the last 35 years,
Something about them picking you up,
Putting you all in one place,
Whatever’s left,
Not strewn over the jungle floor,
Not scattered,
Getting you all in one place,
Whatever’s left,
Bringing you home,
Not left alone in the dark,
In the jungle,
Whatever’s left,
Some of your bones are in a box in Hawaii,
Your Laotian bones are on their way,
To join those rescued thirteen years ago
Waiting in Hawaii,
Whatever’s left,
I feel anxiously peaceful,
Laura and I may get you back,
All in one place,
Whatever’s left
I might get you back,
All in one place,
Whatever’s left,
All your bones in one place,
In one box,
I wait for their return,
Whatever’s left,
I can put all the broken pieces of my heart,
Labeled with your name,
In the box,
On the shelf,
In my mind,
In one place,
Where I can find them,
Whatever’s left,
In one place,
Not strewn all over my world,
Past, present, future
Memories of you,
In a box on a shelf in my mind,
Where I can find them,
I’ll take it down,
Remove the lid,
Touch and remember,
The box,
On the shelf,
In my mind,
I wait for the return of your bones,
In a box,
In one place,
All that is left.
It’s taken quite a few years, but I’ve learned that heroes come in all shapes and sizes. Do you ever say to yourself, “I could never summon the strength to do what she did. I’m just not that strong.”? Tyra Manning, and women like her, show that even though you think you’re broken, there’s always something inside that can pull you up and out. She was totally buried in an avalanche of tragedy and it almost killed her. But one small step at a time, she did what ordinary people MUST do. She took the first step. She failed, and failed again, but she kept plodding. There was no “light at the end of the tunnel,” but Tyra had no choice. She could let herself drown, or she could keep taking those tiny steps. Yes, it took years, but her reward was a new life. God bless Tyra and all the others who try and succeed, as well as those who try, and fail, and try again.
Your story was the most touching and I never forgot it or you. You were one of my most respectful and charming clients and I always felt it was an honor to help you.